|"Everything tastes great! Maybe we should wait! Before we put it on a plate!"|
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Pilot is the first episode of the Don't Hug Me I'm Scared television series. It was completed in 2018. A teaser for the pilot was released on September 13, 2018. It was screened at the Sundance Film Festival in 2019. The official release date on TV is unknown.
The episode opens with the door to the house with a colorful background and the all the Youtube episodes playing at high speed. The door opens and Yellow Guy greets the audience singing that today is his birthday and he's wearing a ribbon that says "38 TODAY". Duck and Red enter saying that they sing the song every morning in their funny house. They go greet the neighbors Mrs. Grenald and Big Ian. Mrs Grenald gives Yellow a pie filled with organs, but Red stops Yellow before he can eat it. All the townspeople go and greet the mayor but only discover that he's missing. Duck looks inside and discovers a key on the floor, and the title "DON'T HUG ME I'M SCARED" appears.
At the house, Yellow wonders who will sing his part of the song, Duck wonders who's gonna look after the town and Red wonders who's going to find the mayor. Duck suddenly hears a voice saying that the town needs to be secure. He takes the key and it becomes alive. The key says he's the key to the city. The key sings a song about keeping the town secure from strangers. Duck agrees, and the townspeople decide he should become the new mayor. While Duck is appointed mayor, Red finds the mayor's footsteps leading into the forest.
Red leaves, while Duck is now in the mayor's office after locking the town. Yellow is happy that the town is safe, and is excited to open his birthday present. The key seems excited, but detects a "security alert" in the present. He smacks it into a bowl of acid and Yellow runs away crying. The key tells Duck that nothing is safe, but Duck notices that it was a puppy inside. The key lies saying that's what the strangers want Duck to think. He tricks duck into believing that Paula the Postbox is a stranger in disguise. Duck is surprised and decides to take action.
We cut to Red, looking for the Mayor in the woods. He comes across a fancy leather driving glove on a branch and mentions that it must belong to the mayor. Instead, a pile of mud, leaves, and sticks that the glove was on mentions that it is the owner. It calls itself a tree, and starts to sing. Red interrupts it several times and asks where the mayor went. It directs him and he goes on his way. Meanwhile,Duck implements a surveillance system in the homes of the residents. It is introduced via infomercial, and the townspeople seem apprehensive. Meanwhile, Yellow is in an alleyway crying, sad about his birthday present. Suddenly, a Milk Jug approaches Yellow Guy protesting against Duck's new rules. The milk vapes, and Yellow exclaims that he wants to be as cool as the milk jug. The milk jug give him a bottle of Fizzy milk, and Yellow turns into punk. He defaces a poster of Duck promoting security with “THE MAYOR IS RUDE”. The Milk jug then worries about vandalism and says he would rather be punk by drinking fizzy milk. After being plugged into the surveillance network via cables running into his hat/head, Duck sees Yellow’s graffiti and is very upset that he was called rude.
Red Guy finds the mayor in the woods, and he is singing about how he now lives there. He has made logs with faces on them which he calls his "friends" Red Guy asks what the mayor is doing. Red argues this and mentions that none of the mayor's things are even real. After saying so, the camera cuts to a shot of Red in a real forest, nothing is made of felted objects. He looks around and makes a brief exclamation of confusion. There’s someone standing in the distance with what looked like a paper mâché head looking at him. This shot ends quickly. Red looks around as Mayor Pigface continues to describe his life in the woods. Red ends up convincing him to go back to town by mentioning the Key that Duck found. Mayor Pigface says that that key is not the key to the city, and instead produces a golden key out of his pocket. This, he says, is the true key to the city.
The Key also fabricates accounts of the townspeople saying mean things along the lines of “the mayor’s voice smells bad” and “the mayor should not touch the bowling ball” which infuriate Duck. The surveillance system then extends a drill that bores into the head of townspeople. They then become brainwashed to repeat what Duck says.
Red and Mayor Pigface then rush back to town, and are met with the town taken over by Duck. The tower in town has been covered in screens and cameras, the gates to the town are closed with an angry looking lock. Mayor Pigface laments that they are too late, and are attempted to be brainwashed by a surveillance camera via drills. The two try to fight back. The shot cuts to Yellow, who has entered the Mayor’s office. It is packed with a lot of surveillance equipment/computers/miscellaneous technology. The Key has grown quite large and towers above Duck. His face is covered in circuit board motifs.
Yellow is approached by the Milk Jar who tries to dissuade him from attempting to disrupt duck’s brainwashing. Yellow does not listen and pushes the Milk Jug into some of the machinery. This causes some milk to spill and disrupts Duck’s brainwashing. There is a montage of milk destroying his surveillance equipment and townspeople being freed. The montage ends with Red and Mayor Pigface at the front gate, watching as the surveillance equipment breaks, and the key holding the gate closed breaks in two.
We then cut to a shot back at the house. Duck is just waking up and is a bit disoriented. He apologizes for what happened when he was mayor, and Mayor Pigface responds by showing him the true key to the town. It also grows a face and briefly mentions the importance of free thought. The key that Duck found is actually named Mean Steve, as mentioned by the Mayor. The townspeople are also at the house, celebrating Yellow’s birthday. His ribbon now says “48 TODAY”. He opens his present, which is a bottle of Fizzy Milk. The townspeople mention how much they love Fizzy Milk and reference several other ridiculous boiled flavors. Red, Yellow, and Duck do not seem to understand the craze. The final shot of the short is Duck watching a bottle of Fizzy Milk roll off the coffee table. It falls to the floor, and breaks into tiny shards of green glass.
Yellow Guy (singing): Wakey wakey,To the new day, and today is my birthday.The yellow balloon's up in the sky, which means it's time to go outside, it's my birthday!Hello! Yay!
Duck Guy: Now I'm here, and I'm another one, and I live with him in this funny house.And everyday when the sun comes out, we go outside and walk about in our town!I've lived here my whole life! Why, it feels as though it was only yesterda-
Red Guy: And it's me now, I'm another one, and I live with them in the funny house too, and every morning we sing this song. (annoyed) Every morning.
Duck Guy: Yes, we do!
Yellow Guy: And it's my birthday! Yay!
Duck Guy: That's not really part of the song...
All three: We just can't wait to see what's going to happen to us three.Everyday's an opportunity
Duck & RedFor a new adven-
Yellow Guy (interrupting Duck & Red): A birthday picnic surprise meal!
Duck Guy: Will you stop it!?!
Yellow Guy: Wakey wakey!Big Ian!
Duck Guy: Who lives next door to our funny house!
Red Guy: And everyday when we wake you up you come outside and say, "Hello, I'm Big Ian."
Big Ian: Hello, I'm Big Ian.
Duck Guy: Look! There he is!
Yellow Guy: Wakey wakey!Mrs. Grenald!
Duck Guy: You live next door to Big Ian.
Mrs Grenald: And everyday I come outside, and give you lots of cakes and pies.Good mornin'!
Yellow Guy: Oh! Birthday cake!
Red Guy: No, don't eat that.
Townspeople: We just can't wait to see what's going to happen to you three We're like a weird family but you're the main ones.
Duck Guy: Yes, we are!
Yellow Guy: And it's my birthday...
Duck Guy: Now, onto the mayor's house.
Townspeople: Wakey wakey!Mayor Pigface!We love you, you're our mayor.And everyday you come outside and tell us everything's all right in our town.
Duck Guy (speaking): Looks like someone's being a bit of a sleepyhead!
Yellow Guy: Mayor Pigface!
Red Guy: What's going on? Where's the mayor?
Yellow Guy: Mayor Pigface!
Duck Guy: Wakey Wakey!
Yellow Guy: Wakey!
Duck Guy (entering the Mayor's house): Wakey Wakey?
Setting: Living room
Police Officer (On TV): Very, very, bad, the mayor is gone. And he's not in his house, and he's normally in his house...
Yellow Guy: Does this mean that I can't have my birthday party?
Red Guy: I don't know. Everyone seems upset about the mayor's disappearance. Look, even our funny house has gone sad.
Yellow Guy: Aw, but I'm already wearing my special birthday buckles on my shoes! See?
Duck Guy: Sad house! Birthday buckles! Who cares about any of that rubbish? The town has no mayor! What are we going to do?
Yellow Guy: Who's going to sing his bit of the song?
Red Guy: Who's going to find him?
Duck Guy: Who's going to look after the town while he's gone?
Yellow Guy: No, but who's going to sing his bit of the song?
Red Guy: No, but who's going to find him?
Duck Guy: No, but who's going to look after the town while he's gone?
Yellow Guy: No, but who's going to sing his bit of the song?
Red Guy: No, but who's going to find him?
Duck Guy: And who's going to get his special bowling ball? Ah...
Key (offscreen): The town needs to be secure! That's for sure! (Key appears) Because security, that's the key.
Duck Guy: It's that little metal stick from earlier! He's turned into a boy! Isn't he funny?
Key: No! I'm a key. The key to the city.
Red Guy: Oh, right. So, do you know what happened to the mayor?
Key: No. But let me ask you something. Do you love your town?
Red Guy: Uh... Is he talking to me?
Duck Guy: I love my town! I lived here all my life.
Key: Oh, but you don't want to... protect it?
Duck Guy: How dare you!
Yellow Guy: Protect it from what?
Key: Well, listen. Listen...
Yellow Guy: Hmm... Sounds like-
(Changes to animation)
Key (singing): They're creeping 'round the corner. Fiddling with the door!
Duck Guy: Who is?
Key: Hiding in your garden. Sleeping on the roof!
Duck Guy: No!
Key: Renting you a function room.
Duck Guy: That's nice.
Key: Stepping on your toes.
Yellow Guy: Hey!
Key: And now you need the toilet! They're messing up our town! Well, if I brought you a precious gem you wouldn't just leave it lying 'round. Why, you'd have put it in a box and cover it with locks and bury it deep under the ground!
Red Guy: But we're looking for the mayor.
Yellow Guy: I would like a gem!
Duck Guy: Quiet!
Red Guy: He wasn't in his house and he's nowhere to be found.
Key: Well, you say that you love your town but look at all the danger, any old stranger could walk right in, and pinch you on the legs, look inside your lunchbox take out all your front teeth Look at this! What a silly mess! 'tis Not secure at all, some uninvited guest could slip right in fiddle with our bin lids, ruin all our stuff!
Big Ian: But that belongs to us!
Key: Well, you better lock it up!
Mrs. Grenald: 'Cause we don't have enough!
Policeman: Who's taken all our stuff?
Key: I think you need the toilet...
Setting: Clayhill gates
Red Guy: Wait, look guys, footsteps leading up to the gate! Uh, I mean, sorry, I know its... it's a song and stuff, but...Isn't that the mayor? Maybe we should just... look outside here, get a search party going...
Key: But I thought you loved your town! Don't you want to stop it from rotting down?
Red Guy: Yeah, but- but what about the mayor?
Key: Yes you do, I'm sure!
Red Guy: They're definitely his footprints.
Key: And if you work together...
Duck Guy: Then we can make it better!
Red Guy: Well, I'm gonna go.
Key: And we'll get this place secure!
Red Guy (speaking): Alright, see ya.
Ladder: Wow, you and your key friend really know what you're talking about when it comes to making Clayhill safe! Huh-huh!
Mrs. Grenald: Yeah! Maybe you could be our new mayor!
Duck Guy: What? Me, the mayor? Yes! Me! The mayor! I am your new mayor!
Setting: Mayor's office
Duck Guy: There! Now everyone in town is locked up lovely and safe! All of all problems are over! I really am brilliant at being the mayor! And now I can finally play with the mayor's prized bowling ball... Ah... (A slug like creature with an eye appears from Duck's legs) Oh, Morgan! Go home!
Yellow Guy: Well, the old mayor is still missing. But, now that the town is all fixed, that means we can finally have my birthday party! Yay!
Key: Oh, yay! Birthdays are my favorite! But... wait! What's this? Security alert! Security alert! Security alert! (knocks present into bowl of acid) Ah, phew. Look, it's melting in the acid.
Yellow Guy: My present! I hate our new metal brother!
Key: Hey, I'm supposed to be a key! See! I told you, Mr. mayor! Danger is hiding everywhere!
Duck Guy: Really? I think that was a puppy.
Key: Exactly! That's what they want you to think. But we know the truth, don't we?
Duck Guy: Do we?
Key: Strangers are hiding everywhere! See? Who's that?
Duck Guy: What? Oh, that's just Paula the postbox. She's lived here her whole life.
Key: But is it? (gives duck his telescope)
Duck Guy: Yes!
Key: (takes telescope and draws on it) But is it?
Duck Guy: (Sees drawing over Paula that says "ME BAD") Oh my goodness! Not little Paula the postbox!
Key: You see? Nothing is what it seems.
Red Guy: Mayor! Mayor Pigface! Oh no! The mayor's fine leather driving glove. He must be around here somewhere.
Mud: Hey! That's my fine leather driving glove!
Red Guy: Oh. Sorry, friend. (puts glove back) Oh, you haven't seen the mayor, have you.
Mud: I wouldn't know about that kind of thing. You and your town ways. I'm just a simple tree.
Red Guy: Are you a tree?
Mud: Leaves are like a tree's hair. And the roots are like a tree's head.
Red Guy: You're more of a big rock, aren't you?
Mud: My eyes hurt.
Setting: Mrs. Grenald's house
Key (as infomercial narrator): Are you constantly worrying about strangers wrecking your house? Well, stop it, idiot! With the brand new security... thing! (Shows security device from the "Wakey Wakey" trailer) Brought to you by your new Mr. mayor!
Duck Guy: We must increase our town's security immediately!
Key: The security... block will watch over you and keep you safe and secure!
Security device: Hello! I'm your new friend!
Key: Wow! But that's not all, stupid! It can also, say the weather, play games, clean your corners, and reveal Toby! (pronounced "the boy", Security device opens a box that has a doll called "Toby") And much, much more! The security friend does not recall all the things you say and do.
Mrs. Grenald: But I don't like it!
Key: No, don't worry, stupid! The security thing is completely free!
Setting: Police officer's house
(The police officer is watching the infomercial on TV)
Key: And will be arriving in all your houses... immediately!
Security device (emerges from behind the TV): Hello! I'm your new friend! Welcome to security! You can call me Arnold G.
Yellow Guy (looking at a poster of Duck Guy): Bleah! "Bad Mayor and Metal Mean Stick" it should be called! Melted my present in my acid!
Milk Jug: You know, they can't control us forever. Ha!
Yellow Guy: Whoa! Who are you?
Milk Jug: Who, me? I guess I'm nobody. Like you. We're just a couple of crazy outcasts, and this new mayor, with all his "rules". You know what I say to him?
Yellow Guy: No! What do you say to him?
Milk Jug: I say to him, "Hey, Mr. Mayor! Why don't you take all your silly rules, and put them over there behind the other thing!
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